"You Have An Idiot On Line One... Idiot, Line One."

My apologies for the delay, everyone, but life has been busy.  This will be a brief one but I figured it was amusing enough to share with the rest of you and hopefully it’ll tide you all over until a real entry can be written. The other day I had the opening shift in my department and received a call practically first thing in the morning.  Usually, whenever that happens, it’s a pretty big issue that is waiting to be resolved.  I generally prefer not opening right away for that exact reason.  By the time the 2^nd person comes in, or the closing person comes in, all of the issues are resolved.  So, I approached the phone with a bit of trepidation.
I picked up the phone and here is how the conversation went (with a few modifications, of course):
“Hello, Home Electronics, Parker speaking.”
“Hi, I need to talk to somebody in Home Electronics.”
D’uh, way to pay attention.
“Okay.  That’s me.”
“Oh, okay, well I had a special order TV that was supposed to be delivered today and I never received a call telling me when it was going to be here.”
“Ah, they didn’t call you last night?”
“No.  Today is the 29^th, isn’t it?”
He said this last part with a bit of condescension in his voice.
I looked at my watch.
“No, actually, it’s the 28^th.”
A brief pause, presumably to insert his foot into his mouth.
“Oh, well, no wonder they haven’t called!” he laughed.
“Yep.”
That was basically it.  So, just remember, when you think you have an issue with a retail store and are getting yourself jazzed up to pick a fight with them, always make sure you have your facts straight.  Otherwise, you’re going to look like a moron like the guy who decided to call without looking at his phone or a calendar or a watch or a newspaper for the date.  That’s just a little piece of advice from your friendly retail associate.  Needless to say, after a brief laugh after I hung up, it helped to make the day start off on the right foot.  Good times!
More soon from the frontlines...

“I’ve Been On Hold So Long That I’ve Forgotten What I Wanted.”

     I would’ve updated this blog sooner but I was on hold with an electronics store for the last six days.  Wow, it really does take a long time to get through to someone, doesn’t it?

     Okay, maybe not that long, but there are times when I probably could’ve constructed Noah’s Ark in the time that it takes me to get through to someone on the phone.  To paraphrase - you can judge the health of a nation by the time it takes someone to receive an answer from a retail store on the phone.  I guess you can’t really put that on a bumper sticker, but I’m sure it’ll catch on.  It’s an issue you hear about nearly every single store, HR helpline, or manufacturer’s customer hotline.  And everyone’s own personal delay is a catastrophe, I’m well aware, but what do you really expect?

     Think about the amount of people living in your town.  If more than 5 people are calling up with a question or issue, chances are you won’t be getting through any time soon.  Magnify that if you’re calling a Sony, or Nintendo, or Whirlpool hotline for a question.  That company has only so many call centers set-up to deal with issues and I’m sure no amount of jobs they could fill would come close to handling the amount of calls they must receive.  A company only has a finite amount of resources available to them and incoming calls will always be shortchanged in that equation.  So suck it up and wait.  If you can make it through in under 10 minutes, just be happy to finally get your question answered.

     Customers come into my department and tell me how they couldn’t get through on the phones so they were forced to come into the store.  They always have the same idea, too:

     “[Blank Store] needs to hire more people to answer the phones.”

     Thanks, now all we need to do is install more phone lines for those new hires to work! Brilliant!  If every person in the store was devoted to just answering the phones then people coming into the stores would have no one around to assist them.  A store can only do so much for the number of incoming calls they receive each day.  If you really want to have faster service on the phone, spread the word to every person you know who meanders on in a phone conversation.

     You know the type – the person who gives you way too much information than what’s needed to tell a story, or the person who isn’t prepared for the conversation so they stumble on their words or repeat themselves a million times.  If they’re that slow talking with someone they know, imagine how they are when they’re talking to us.  To find you the cable for your computer or the filter for your vacuum, we don’t need to know that you received that vacuum from your grandma ten years ago because you moved into a new apartment and had a pet dog named Spot who, god bless him, would shed like crazy.  WOW, really?  Like Dave Chappelle would say, “Wrap it up!"

     If you want help finding something, just tell me the company who made it, the model number, and how old the product is.  Cut and dry, people.  The quicker you are with us, the quicker we are with you, and can proceed onto the next phone call.  If you don’t like waiting in a long phone queue, imagine how the people behind you feel once you get through.  If we need more information, we’ll probably ask for it.

     That’s not to say that some customers are justified in their complaints.  Just the other night I was caught trying to call up another store to see if they carried something in-store.  I was on hold for over an hour trying to get through.  After 10-15 minutes of holding, I would hang-up and try another extension but I got the same response.  I then tried other stores to see if I would have better luck and, eventually, I did.  That luck only occurred after calling 2 other stores and waiting about 5-10 minutes on hold for each store.  That is no way to run a business.  I can understand if someone has to wait 5 minutes or so but over an hour of trying to get through?

     Don’t think that employees don’t understand your frustration.  We get it more than anyone out there.  I have to call other stores, warehouses, etc., for customers who are too lazy or too stubborn to call them up themselves and I am the one left on hold.  Just remember to be calm like the Buddha.  Have patience and eventually your call will be answered.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pick up this damn phone that’s been ringing for the past hour.

     More soon from the frontlines...

Why Show It Online When It's Not In Your Stores?

     This is a quick recap of an interaction I had the other day with a customer over the phone.  I hope you are as amused by this as I was.

     I received a call from a customer who was looking for a product he had seen online.  He wanted to come in and see the product before making a purchase.  We get these phone calls often and it’s typically no big deal.  He gave me the store’s special product number for the product he was looking for and I proceeded to look it up in our computer system.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t finding anything.  I figured that I had misheard him or he just gave me the wrong number.  That second option is a much more likely scenario:

     “Sorry, sir, that isn’t the model number.”

     “Are you sure?”

     “As sure as several years here can make me.”

     I asked for the model number as a second option but I still came up empty.  I asked him where he found the item that he wanted and he told me it was my store’s website.  I went online and sure enough it was right there when I typed in the model number.  There was just one problem.

     In big letters it said, “NEW ARRIVAL” and the “Add To Cart” button was blocked out.  Now, whenever a company is blocking you from purchasing something, you typically can’t buy the product because the manufacturer hasn’t released the product for sale yet.  Why would a retailer, in the business of making money off of the stupid shit people buy, want to withhold said stupid shit they could sell?

     I tried to explain to the customer the situation.

     “I’m sorry, it looks like we can’t order this product just yet because it’s not in stock at our warehouse yet.”

     “But it’s on your website.”

     “I know, but it just hasn’t arrived to our warehouse yet.  It’s a new product.”

     This is where most people would realize that it’s out of our control and they’ll just have to wait if they really want the product.  Most people.

     “Well, alright, I tried to make a sale with you but it’s your fault that I’ll have to go get it from somewhere else.”

     My fault?  I’m sorry, did any of you see the part where I was promoted to CEO of my company?  By the way, I can guarantee you all that that has not happened.  How can an hourly employee be in charge of who puts products up on our website or the time it takes manufacturers to send their products to our warehouses?  And the product he wanted wasn’t even more than $300.  My store was not going to close because we lost a $300 sale.  Had I been on commission, I wouldn’t be losing sleep over letting a big sale like that get away from me.  Don’t try to make it seem like you were doing me a favor by throwing me such a large sale.

     Don’t shoot the messenger, everyone.  I’m not paid enough to feel heartbroken because you couldn’t receive your Snuggie and have to trudge to another store for it.  I have no special powers that can make something you want appear out of thin air.  If something can’t be gotten, it can’t be gotten.  Simple as that.
     More soon from the frontlines...