Equality Among All

     I suppose my first real entry should be about equality. Young or old, fat or skinny, black or white - entering into a retail store makes everyone equals in my eyes. I’m not talking about equal rights or the like, either. I’m talking about everyone is equally stupid. In all my years working in various retail jobs, I have noticed that no matter how intelligent the person is supposed to be, walking through those doors drains a person of basic comprehension skills.
     It is the most amazing thing to witness. I’ve come to the conclusion that a very long time ago, retail CEOs made some sort of pact with the devil to create a magical entryway that would drain people of their intelligence. How else can you explain people entering a store and buying every single “As Seen On TV” product known to man? Shake weights? Really?
     Let’s take a grocery store, for instance. Every aisle is labeled with a general list of what you can find in each one. That’s not even including the big giant departments: produce, meat, bakery, etc. Yet, a person will take two steps into the produce department and ask the first employee, “Where are your tomatoes?”
     “Uh, turn your head to the right. See that table two feet from you?”
     People enter a store and lose all sense of self-reliance. Laziness and stupidity go hand-in-hand in the retail world. They cannot, for whatever reason, find even the most generic item on their own. They’d rather be told where the item is. If someone could program a GPS unit to tell people where items are located in a particular store, they would make a killing. A store could post ten million signs telling people where products are and they still wouldn’t be able to find the item they’re looking for.
     The worse is when I notice people pick up a product, walk ten feet, and then put the product down because they don’t feel the need to return the product to the right location. Does that printer ink look like it belongs with the candy bars at the register? I don’t think so, super genius. No matter how far a product may be located, if I decide to change my mind on a product, I return the product to the location. The poorly paid workers at the stores have more to get done in a day than return your can of peas because you left it in the paper towel aisle.
     I also find myself dumbing down a lot of explanations to customers just so I am sure they comprehend everything I’m telling them. I’ll even talk slower at times to make sure what I’m saying is sinking in for them. It’s not that I’m trying to insult them but when I see only a dim awareness of what I’m saying, I grow discouraged and realize I have to explain things like I‘m talking to a ten year old. I’m even more discouraged when I hear, “I don’t understand,” to the simplest of explanations. How do you dumb down a statement that’s dumbed down as far as it’ll go?
     If you think I’m exempting myself from all of this, you’re wrong. But I try to change my ways as much as possible. Not only that, but I’ll pick up the slack for others. If I see product in the wrong location, depending on how close I am to where it really belongs, I’ll return it. If I see garbage on the ground, I’ll sometimes pick it up. It drives me nuts when I have to pick it up at my job, so I feel it’s good karma to do it for my brethren in arms who work at these stores. This does not always work when I’m on the job, however. There are plenty of times that I see a piece of paper or tissue paper on the ground and think, “Do I really want to bend down to get that?”
     Laziness. I’m telling you, those swinging, rotating, or sliding front doors are hexed with some sort of curse put on them. I just came up with the plot for Ghostbusters 3. You’re welcome Dan Akroyd.
     Thankfully, this first major hurdle is easy to combat. If you have a question about location of a product, just look up. There most likely will be a sign hanging down that states where the product is. Self-reliance is a good thing. By all means, don’t hesitate to ask questions, obviously, since answering questions is part of the workers’ job code. But don’t ask stupid questions you can clearly find out on your own. You’ll gain the respect of those who work there and they might even be more willing to help you out if you make an effort to find something first.
     If you don’t want a product, just walk a few steps back to where you got it. Trust me, America, we’ve all seen the news about how we’re the fattest nation on the planet. You can use those extra steps. Or at least just tell an employee you didn’t want a product and, generally, they’ll return it. Better to return it during the day than having to discover it a minute before they punch out for the day. Just think of it this way if you work in an office: would you like it if your boss brings you a stack of papers that need to be filed five minutes before you’re supposed to leave for the night?
     Laziness and stupidity will be recurring themes here, but this is a good start, no?
     More soon from the frontlines…